Skipper's blog: Online selling and Chinese products deserve each other

LET'S be honest: to many of you, I am a longwinded, conceited, overbearingly pompous arse who, in the pithy, withering opinion of Mr. Harnwell, the publisher, is “overly verbose”. But let’s face it: at least I’m not afraid to “throw the grenade under the table” and wait for the explosion. And besides, if one is going to be an opinionated arse, then one should aim to maintain one’s craft with as much panache and bravado as possible.

Whilst I’m somewhat late firing up my scepticism, cynicism and caustic, corrosive commentary for 2012, you can rest assured that I shall be continuing in my usual vein, and will start in style by revisiting one of the most divisive and controversial matters touched upon in my previous trove of searing observations and opinionated rhetoric. Yes, dear reader; let’s once again light the touchpaper that will ignite the pungent and often toxic subject of Chinese products. And lest be there any confusion, let me make clear right away that I do not mean products assembled by recognised, name-brand companies in Chinese-based factories; I refer to the spurious, appallingly atrocious and wholly-unfit-for-purpose, heritage-free Chinese tat which is being foisted upon us with alarming and unrelenting alacrity.

Before proceeding further, please indulge me while I digress in an attempt to set the scene for this tirade. Recently, I watched an episode of a TV series from the superb Pommie writer, Jimmy McGovern. McGovern is actually an abrasive, world-weary, cynical Liverpudlian (which makes him “properly” English in the same way Gough Whitlam was a world-class economist) and is famous for, among other masterpieces, the TV gems Cracker and The Lakes.

Anyway, in this show, an anguished, aggrieved woman, who lost her son in an industrial action (insufficient on-the-job training for driving a forklift, resulting in his death), took it upon herself to burn the offending company to the ground after she failed to get justice for her late son in either the coroner’s inquest or the civil courts. As she is sitting in the car watching the conflagration engulf everything her dead son’s employer worked for years to build up, the inconsolable, distraught employer batters on the car window and shouts in anguish: “You want to know who really killed your son? It was the Chinese and the Indians. They’ll work for less than 50 quid a week, whereas I have to pay at least that per day.” This may seem distastefully unpleasant and, although I am paraphrasing a line from a TV show, it could be inferred that I am personally being xenophobic and racist. But nothing could be further from the truth – I’m just trying to illustrate how stark the situation is. By way of additional elaboration, some of you may have seen David Penberthy’s column in last weekend’s Sunday Telegraph, where he outlines a union deal for manufacturing workers in Macau (a Chinese territory). The workers will be paid about AU$240 - per month, that is; not per week.

There are those among you who will say – as would I – that early Japanese and Korean products were also rubbish. Indeed they were, but with every successive series of those products, it was noticeably evident that quality was being conscientiously and comprehensively ramped up. Sure, the first Yamaha 20/25hp model outboards (the P400/450 series of the early ‘70s) had upper mounts that were virtual copies of (and could be directly replaced with) those from the old Johnson RK-series 20/25 motors, but within another couple of years, Yamaha had learned enough to forge its own path. Likewise, if the first Suzuki DT50 wasn’t an Oriental version of the old OMC 50-60hp loopers, then I’m an astronaut. But – and contentious and incendiary this statement may be – I see no similar pursuit of excellence from the Chinese. I think the main problem is that, whereas the Japanese and Koreans have national pride that is evident and palpable, no such characteristic seems to belabour the Chinese. I’m not saying it’s not there, but if it is, it’s not as apparent as with China’s two neighbours, both of whom were ravaged after wars (one of which technically never finished).

The Chinese have of course endured decades of repression and restrictive constraints on both personal movement and enterprise and, having shucked off at least some of their socialist shackles, there is now a huge hurry to get rich – and bollocks to national pride. In fact, so strong is the rise of the bourgeoisie middle classes, and so pronounced is the rush of the proletariat clambering over the heads of erstwhile comrades in a frenzied scramble to join the burgeoning bourgeoisie, that the middle classes have no interest in sullying their hands with anything that involves manual labour.

Not only are the mindset and psyche wrong, but innovation, inventiveness and creativity are non-existent. Before reverting to familiar territory (i.e. outboards), let me give you an example of how lamentably and atrociously inferior and unfit for purpose most Chinese goods are. Throughout the South Pacific, due to the vagaries of electricity supply in most countries, small standby generators are a necessity. The biggest seller in the South Pacific is the 950 watt Yamaha ET950, a small 2-stroke unit. In Fiji, for example, this little generator sells for about AU$450.00. The myriad Chinese competitors (all exact copies of this unit, even down to the blue-coloured fuel tank and the “speckled”-type strip front fascia decal) retail for just under AU$125.00. And do you know why? Firstly because they are a direct, shame-faced, lookalike knockoff on which there was no R & D expenditure whatsoever. It’s no bloody wonder they’re so cheap, when no product research, testing or evaluation was done.

Secondly, they’re garbage. Anybody who buys one almost certainly has to have it replaced 2-3 times. Burnt-out stators, capacitors, melted rotor windings – absolute crap. Most buyers then realise the error of their ways and eventually go for the real thing. But some people selling Chinese product will posit the argument that it’s all built to ISO 9001 standard. Whoopee! But ISO 9001 is a “manufacturing” standard, not a quality one, so it can still be assembled correctly – albeit using garbage.

Now, to get back to outboards… I note the decision by the largest manufacturer of aluminium boats to start selling Vortex motors online. I do not intend to dignify this “initiative” with much comment, but this about sums up the current dire state of the marine industry – not that the pricing is particularly cheap. If we follow the rationale on the generator pricing listed previously, then it is pretty likely that the same sort of costing formula must apply to these shameless, blatant Yamaha knock-offs. So how are they remotely “cheap” at 25% less than a name brand – something that can confidently be attached to a transom without the lower unit, after half a season, resembling dentures left overnight in a jar of sulphuric acid? And – although this is something that will be elaborated upon in detail in another column – it is jarringly worrying that a motorized product like this, on which someone’s life may well depend, can be despatched (with no PDI or check of the lower unit oil) as if it is a computer game. This cynical, mercenary, greedy grab by this boat manufacturer is reprehensible and deserves to fail. If they want to sell crap on the internet, then they need to sell it at internet prices. For less than $500 more, you can buy a name brand 15hp, for Chrissake!  If your life isn’t worth a lousy five hundred bucks, then it’s worth nothing.

The day you can buy a Lexus, a BMW, a Yamaha, a Mercury or a Suzuki online, or a Breitling, a Rolex or a Bang and Olufsen sound system, then I might possibly be reluctantly persuaded that it’s a fit and proper thing to send specialised, dedicated local importers and dealers to the wall, but until then I remain firmly convinced that Chinese products exist purely to serve a sub culture. They are the equivalent of free gifts from hamburger chains or disposable 3D glasses handed out at a Spielberg blockbuster – kitsch and baubles solely for short-lived gratification.