Skipper's blog: The Gold Coast Marine Expo - the little show that tried

I WENT for a purposeful, mission-specific sortie around the Coomera waterfront last weekend, ambling through the gates of the Gold Coast City Marina and meandering around the pontoons, before exiting through the gates of the neighbouring Riviera facility. I was there to give the inaugural Gold Coast Marine Expo a surreptitious and appraising once-over to assess if it broke new ground and marked heady, innovative heights, or if it was merely an ersatz Mandurah or Sanctuary Cove – i.e. on-water “lite”, so to speak.

You don’t need to read many of my rants to know that ‘critical”, “cynical” and “sceptical” are all adjectives that, whilst undoubtedly correct, cannot begin to do justice to the barbed content of some of my sardonic, scathingly vivid, colourful treatises once I am in full flight. In short, I am the sort of person who, if he smells flowers, would look around to see where the funeral is. Being conscious of the fact that I may be seen as a fervid, opinionated and overly enthusiastic devil’s advocate, I want to start off by giving the whole Gold Coast Marine Expo the benefit of the doubt. Full marks to the organisers for having a bloody good go in these tough times.

I’ll get to my impressions presently but, if this show is to have any hope of being a regular fixture with an image and standing even remotely close to its gilt-edged neighbour, Sanctuary Cove, then I would suggest that the organisers start with the printed show program. Sadly we now live in a world where spelling, grammar and punctuation are regarded with the same importance and relevance as to what one would theoretically wear if invited to dinner with a reincarnated Louis XVI or Queen Victoria, and where reality television has consigned the epoch-making dramas and documentaries of the mid-late twentieth century to the equivalent of a “See how our ancestors’ minds worked” box set, but to have the aberration “company’s” (seventh paragraph in the program’s “Welcome” message – third paragraph from the end) as the plural of company, instead of “companies”, is inexcusable. Likewise, the use of the possessive “its” instead of the correct “it’s” (for “it is”) in relation to the V8 Superboats Demonstration shows that conscientious sub-editing was not a priority. But why am I hung up on trivial tat like this? Well, because in all the boat show programs I’ve picked up over the years, both here and overseas, I have never, ever encountered any misprints whatsoever. If you’re going to “mix it” with the big boys, you firstly need to be in the same league as the big boys.

However, my pedantic – although salient and justified – approach to spelling and punctuation aside, what of the event itself? Well, yours truly only had a canter round mid-afternoon Sunday, when many of the smaller exhibitors (as per any show) had started packing the promo gear back in boxes, with a startling paucity of promenading punters. I reckon as far as future viability goes, though, the inaugural effort showed that this event might just have legs. All of which brings me to the highly important matter of…..lavatories. Anybody stuck in a leg-jigging queue outside the few-and-far-between toilets at Sanctuary Cove would know that this is probably the only real black mark with which one could brand that event, but last weekend’s Expo people had this all figured out. In fact, it must be said that the plethora of Portaloos at Coomera could easily have coped with a frenzied outbreak of food poisoning that may well have required deforestation of an Amazonian forest for sufficient lavatory paper! Whilst a review of a show’s lavatories is hardly highbrow stuff, dear readers, the thoughtful proximity and abundance of such facilities would have pleased many parents struggling with agitated offspring who had possibly consumed too many soft drinks.

One small black mark was the lack of marquee space, protective sun shades or yard sails. Sanctuary cove is held in May, when the sun is pleasantly warm rather than oppressive, whereas this show took place in baking temperatures. Even from a cursory glance at many exhibitors (and visitors), I could tell that they had been severely over-exposed to the sun. The small promo tents provided by engine/equipment manufacturers (open on all sides) were about as much use in an event like this as a dinghy spinnaker on a Sydney-Hobart contender, so maybe the organisers might like to look at a competitively-priced tent/marquee hirer in the future.

As for exhibitors, the tinnie/trailerboat brigade was well represented throughout the hardstand area, but in true, time-honoured fashion, much of their pricing demonstrated the usual “clear it out now”, “fire-sale” mentality and the hallmark signs of last-ditch desperation. One local dealer had a stunningly superb line-up of product arrayed along both sides of Riviera’s driveway, but a quick glance at the price tags confirmed that he was hoping to clear the decks on a “low GP, high strike rate” basis. Why do this? Why take along what must have been the entire contents of a showroom rather than a selected range of designated, show-specific models which could be used to “up-sell” potential buyers to other boats? As a result of displaying virtually the entire line-up at this expo, this dealer may very well have to resolutely persevere with “show pricing” on every single boat for the entire remainder of the season. Still….he did have a red-hot go and supported the event in fine style.

Unfortunately, yours truly didn’t see any of the supplementary events, demonstrations and entertainment and can really only provide a one-dimensional critique of the commercial aspect of the event, but I will remedy this oversight next year. I did say “next year”, didn’t I? So, yes, I guess that means that this event stands an above-average chance of being repeated. Frankly speaking, I don’t know that it will ever enter nautical folklore (like Sanctuary Cove, Mandurah, Southampton and Genoa) and become an absolute “must-see”; nor am I totally convinced of its potential for long-term viability, but if the initial reports from exhibitors (albeit guardedly optimistic with bets hedged) are anything to go by, then maybe the organisers might just be onto something.

Anyway, nothing ventured, nothing gained, so on that basis alone, last weekend’s quirky, non-mainstream and “folksy” experiment in bringing the boating industry to the people was, as Sir Humphrey would have said smarmily, condescendingly and tartly ambiguously to Prime Minister Hacker, “a very brave move!” Unlike Sir Humphrey, however, my compliment should be taken in a genuine, positive and congratulatory way.